Dear Jillu,

A note of caution: This is a lengthy post and I have not made any effort to curb it! So go ahead only if you are game!

Kannamma, you are growing up so fast that it is totally unbelievable. Where have these past 2 1/4 years gone? Its gone by just like that before we could bat an eyelid.


You are acting so grown up these days,

Wanting to eat on your own and you do that as well, only its very messy and you got to learn the fine arts. But for now you are doing a great job and we are all proud of you. Ironically you don't want to eat dosa/chapathi by yrself. You want me to feed you that :)

A bizarre thought !

But if only it could be true, then, it would be highly useful and avoid so much anxiety and stress! One, I think, every mother would agree :)

The thought is - "If only every mother could be a pediatrician"

It struck me last night when Jillu again fell sick, that I should have become a pediatrician (in spite of the fact that I chose Computer Science over Biology in my 11th std just so that I could avoid rat dissection - yeah I really hated it so much :( . You just need to ask my friends about it) just to avoid yet another trip to her Doc :( .

But then, I really wish there exists a shortened course which every mother could take. Similar to lots of First Aid courses that are available today. It would avoid so much of anxiety, tension, fear, pressure et all. A short one with just the basics, at least to the extent of determining whether a visit to the doc is needed or not, examining whether the chest is clear or is congested yet again. (I am sure cold and cough make up about 95% of Dr visits for every kid ). 

Sometimes, it looks far worse than it actually is and we rush to the doc only for them to tell us that it is not serious and there is no severe congestion. And the reverse also happens to be true where some people leave it too late before visiting the doc ! :(

Wonderful Mum

I came across this article somewhere and found it so true..

Very well written. Unfortunately, I do not know the name of the author. Here it goes..

Before I was a Mum,
I never tripped over toys or forgot words to a lullaby.
I didn't worry whether or not my plants were poisonous.
I never thought about car seats.
Before I was a Mum,
I had never been puked on.
Pooped on.
Chewed on.
Peed on.

I had complete control of my mind and my thoughts.
I slept all night.
Before I was a Mum,
I never held down a screaming child so doctors could do tests, or give shots.
I never looked into teary eyes and cried.
I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin.
I never sat up late hours at night watching a baby sleep.

Before I was a Mum,
I never held a sleeping baby just because I didn't want to put her down.
I never felt my heart break into a million pieces when I couldn't stop the hurt.
I never knew that something so small could affect my life so much.
I never knew that I could love someone so much.
I never knew I would love being a Mum...

Before I was a Mum -
I didn't know the feeling of having my heart outside my body.
I didn't know how special it could feel to feed a hungry baby.
I didn't know that bond between a mother and her child.
I didn't know that something so small could make! me feel so important and happy.

Before I was a Mum -
I had never gotten up in the middle of the night every 10 minutes to make sure all was okay.
I had never known the warmth, the joy, the love, the heartache,
The wonderment or the satisfaction of being a Mum..
I didn't know I was capable of feeling so much, before I was a Mum.

Transformation

Girl 1: A very simple girl, who cannot be quite called shy or reserved, just not the type to talk to strangers first and make friends. But once a friendship is made, it lasts forever. Not one to talk too much, but better at being a silent spectator and listening.

Girl 2: A very simple girl, but one who is known to talk to strangers first and make friends, if and when warranted. Once a friendship is made, it lasts forever. One who can both share things and listen as well.

The 1st girl is me 2 years back and the 2nd girl is again me, as I am right now. And what is the trigger for the change? Being a mother. I am unable to believe the transformation in myself. These days, I just don't hesitate to make the first move when it comes to gathering information for Saathvika. 2 years back, I would not have mailed people whom I did not know, would not have joined a public forum and also actively participated in it, would not have initiated talk/conversation  with an unknown person. Why, 2 years back, I was not blogging as well!

Now, I actively participate in a parent community, initiate talks with other parents (there is so much to share and learn - about kid's health, discipline, schooling etc), do not hesitate to approach other people, and in the course of time, have become pen friends with a couple of them.  My! I have come a long way and all because of Jillu. She brings such a joy to me and makes me swell with pride with whatever she does and invokes the "shout from the roof-top" kind of reaction for all that she does :) and I have never been a "shout from the roof-top" kind of person :)

Motherhood has brought about such a transformation in me. I know all of us change in some way or the other when we become parents. But, in my case, the change is significant. I have changed in the way I do things, view life altogether differently now. 

Would love to hear from others as well. What about you ? has being a mother or father changed the "core" you ?

Heaven

is

The sun descending on the crimson colored horizon leaving way to dusk and a starry moon filled night,

Soft, sweet, melodious, music emanating from the guitar strings resonating through the speakers,

Soft & fresh cushioned pillows on the bed and bed sheets being invitingly turned down,

Your cheeks being lovingly caressed by sweet lips in the name of goodnight kiss,

The cute little bundle of joy lying beside you face to face and embracing you,

And last, but not the least, small tiny fingers tightly curled trustingly around your thumb,for want of additional security in spite of the habitual right thumb sucking!

P.S : And I thank God for providing me this heaven as part of the bed time routine with my little bundle of joy day in and day out

Tick, Tock :Tick,Tock : Could you please stop ticking ?

Time and Tide waits for none !

If I am asked for one single wish to be granted today, I would wish for time to stand still until further notice :)

Yesterday evening outing with you was such fun and so poignant, Jillu. You looked so grown up and a big girl last evening even though you are only 21 months old!

I had made you wear full pants and full sleeve T-shirt yesterday (to avoid mosquito bites) as it was pretty late when we headed out for the near by park. And my, you looked so tall and to prove that fact, the pants were an inch or so short. You were able to stand in the front of my bike for the ride to the park, a 1/2 Km away. The way you sat in the swing (for whole 10 minutes) alone, holding on to the ropes on both sides while I pushed the swing reinforced that you have indeed grown. I still remember the times when you needed 2 people, one to hold you in the seat and the other to push the swing! And, we (My mom and I ) were so amazed when you climbed the couple of stairs alone without holding on to anything and entered the grocery store. You talk so much these days using words that we never knew you knew! You are so inquisitive and want to know everything!

And yet, at the same time, you are a baby still. You still need to grow up to play on the slides on your own. I helped you on the slides yesterday. You still continue to babble things like "Minima Minima", "Gaaya Baayaa Gukki" for which only you know the meaning. You cannot pronounce "f" still and say chone and choto. You still believe that "Kaakaa" or the crow is capable of taking things away from you. You are such a baby when you climb on top of me before your sleep time. You have got a long way to go, learn a lot and you are only a baby still.

But yesterday, the feeling of the ever passing time was much more significant and I just wanted (and still want) the time to stand still.  I am reminded of all these words like Maasum (Hindi), Sisu, Mazhalai, (Tamil), cherubic, innocence, etc when I think of babies and especially when I look at you. I am not in any hurry to see you growing up fast and losing all that innocence that is unique only to kids and babies.

There's so much more to tell you about how I feel but I can't describe or express everything. I never imagined motherhood would be like this! And whatever happens and how much ever you grow up, I think you will always be my baby and I love you so much!

Tick, Tock :Tick,Tock : Could you please stop ticking ?

I wish I could

sing ! I never felt the need for it before and did not regret having a rather not so trained or tuned voice. I always wanted to learn to play an instrument but not singing. But now after Jillu is born, I really feel the need. I want to sing to her properly, especially, when I put her to bed, I want to be able to sing all those nice thaalaatu (lullaby) songs. Now, I envy all those who can sing even moderately well, mmmm... sigh.. I have to make do with the cassettes and cds..